Welcome to the School of Heartbreak
By: Jerrin Holt

When is the last time you’ve been to school? Some might argue that they’ve had enough schooling over the years and very well might have the degrees to convincingly apply to such an argument. But spiritually we can never have enough schooling whether we are teaching or learning. Just like the system of school we all grew up in, spiritually we have teachers and students as well. The good thing about spiritual schooling is that we will forever interchange between the roles of student and teacher. The privilege,  blessing of age, experience and studying God’s word grants us wisdom and understanding about many different aspects of life. We are like students taking a course in life. It is after we emerge from our life’s lessons that the student is prepared to take on the role of a teacher and can regurgitate prophecy, advice and truth through the power of wisdom, understanding and prayer. Not too long ago, I found myself morphing into the role of the teacher about a subject I was all too familiar with on both sides of the issue…heartbreak.

Sitting in a restaurant with a friend, a conversation ensued about a mutual friend who had just experienced devastation within her love life. The story goes as follows…After engaging in a long distance relationship for almost a year with a military man; this particular young woman began to notice a significant change in the attitude and behavior of her beau. Like most people do in relationships they long to be in, this young woman remained hopeful and figured that the rift in their relationship was due to the distance and frustration of being thousands of miles away from each other. After a while, the relationship had grown to become quite draining and wearisome. The boyfriend commenced to end the relationship stating, “He just couldn’t do it anymore.” Now the young lady remained optimistic and hopeful because she knew that her man would be returning home very soon. In a mix of denial and disregard she allowed her mind and heart to proceed and prepare for a healing of their relationship. She envisioned marriage and a family and all the wonderful things that life has to offer when jointly connected with a partner. The tragedy happened when the soldier returned home and it was discovered that the reason behind the change in his behavior and his choice to eliminate his long distance relationship was because he had gotten married while he was away and could no longer pursue a relationship with his long distance love. The impact of this news nearly broke the hopeful girlfriend who had loyally waited for her soldier’s return. She was so distraught that she suffered at work, nearly lost her mind and even contemplated suicide. The question then arose during my conversation at this restaurant of, “What do you say to comfort or console someone who is going through heartbreak such as this?”

As I initially prepared to ramble off the top of my head, I realized that the depth of this issue far exceeded the sway of poetry or the surface advice of my faulty human bias and emotion. It was then that the teacher in me emerged. And like teachers and professors in school systems, the information and lessons they teach are lessons of history, fact and research. I then took the time to pray to my one-stop shop for history, fact and research…God. Almost in an instant His words filled my heart and His visions filled my mind in the form of a couple of beautiful yet, simple metaphorical examples. These examples should or could help those who have gone through, are going through or will one day face the torture of heartbreak. Sometimes solving/coping with problems is as simple as breaking them down, seeing the bigger picture and considering alternative and reasonable viewpoints.

We’ve all heard the old saying that “time heals all wounds”. It isn’t so much that the wounds heal, but they are covered and bandaged, which protects us from infection and further complications. Humans are blemished, imperfect beings. Suffering, bruises and burns is just as much a part of life as is joy, triumph and prosperity. How would we be able to measure good without evil or joy without pain? The beneficial, (yes, I said beneficial) thing about being wounded and surviving is that it serves as a lesson and experience for our future. The blessing of tragedy, especially when it comes to love, is the opportunity to move forward and try again. Let’s compare love to a forest fire if you will. If you have ever seen the aftermath of a forest fire it is devastating. All life and landscape lay burned and in ashes. But not too long after the blaze, new vegetation sprouts forth from the earth to replace the old forest and restore it to a state better than it was before the fire. In relation to heartbreak, we must understand that fires will happen. Mistakes are made, hearts change, lies are told and some people are burned and wrecked because of these experiences. But as factual and automatic as new vegetation sprouts forth from the forest floor, with the love and power of God, He enables the same system of restoration to take place in our lives. Although traces of the blaze will remain for quite some time, the new you that God is raising from the ground up will be bigger and better than who you were before heartbreak occurred.

Another relatable point of view of how to analyze and deal with heartbreak came to mind when I grappled over the workings of life. In its raw essence, life has a beginning (birth) and an ending (death). Think about the sadness and voids we carry with us when people close to us pass away (parents, friends, spouses, etc). However, there is a flip side to this cold hard fact of life, think about the antonym of death, which is life. Just as life is taken away, life is given as we experience the birth and joy of our own children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren and so on. Heartbreak works pretty much the same way. Until we meet the person God has for us, we may experience bad relationships and bad break-ups from time to time. Things painfully cease to exist, but then become replaced as we stand strong and continue to move toward the light with optimism and our faith in tow. God has relayed a message to mankind that if we seek Him in all that we do, He will add unto us all of our needs (Matthew 6:33). On our quest to find that special someone, if we trust that God will provide and try our best to follow His instruction, eventually when He sees fit, a great and lasting love will be given unto us through His ordainment.

Now, if we were perfect beings life would be so simple and our significant other would appear at the command of our yearning as easy as light appears during the day. But we are not perfect, so break-ups and heartbreak are consequences of our mortality just like death is a consequence of sin. We complicate life and love because along the way we tend to allow our own thoughts, desires and ideas to empower our selfish actions. This is when we tend to make mistakes and/or attract tragedy in our love lives. Sometimes we will be able to understand why heartbreak has occurred and other times the reasons behind other people’s actions are not so clear. It is during these times that we experience the death of love, a major wound if you will. And quite naturally mourning ensues and that memory, life lesson and pain will never quite fade just as the void and sadness of a lost loved one will never truly subside. I truly believe that God allows us to try things our own way, He then employs consequences or limitations and it is up to us to eventually figure it out and see that we need Him to pull it all together. Some people never get it and spend most of their lives wasting away in bad relationships or worse, living their entire lives without a companion or the experience of true love.

It is almost inevitable that most people will go through heartbreak on some level within their lifetime whether they are the offender or the victim. And if one is shrouded with the unfortunate fate of having to be the victim then they must face the experience of being wounded and burned. It is common for victims of heartbreak to mourn. In the worst cases, some nearly lose their minds and a few even contemplate harsh solutions such as suicide. During these times it is important that we understand that the pain and anger will not last always. After the initial blow of heartbreak come progress and the birth and gift of new life. Your forest has burned down, but seeds lie underneath the ashes and are preparing to sprout forth new vegetation. Oh the glory of God Almighty, our Rock, the True Lover of our souls, our Redeemer! If you stay in tune and connected with the Lord, He will add unto you a love of equal or greater value than the one that was lost along the way in the journey of love. In the midst of tragedy hold tight and stay faithful and God will provide new life in some shape, form or fashion to compensate and restore your spirits, trust and love. Think about it this way, if your partner has left you or broken a bond with you then obviously he/she wasn’t “the one” God intended for you to settle with. There is still light and joy to come because “the one” still remains out there in the world somewhere. Just like the cycle of life, the death of love makes room for the rebirth of love. Faith, prayer and time will present you with reward and victory for it has already been promised to you. As long as we live, we will forever teach and be taught about the complexities of love. It is up to us to listen, learn and pass its tests to achieve our degrees from the school of heartbreak!