Relationships: State Of Emergency!!
Can Our Love & Relationships Survive
Our Growing Internet Addiction?
By: Margo Hudson

Can you actually have a relationship with someone who’s constantly on-line texting, sending e-mail, IM, Facebook & Twitter posting, or gaming?  We’ve all been around that person, who is impossible to engage because their eyes, hands & minds NEVER leave their cell phones! The age of preoccupation is in full effect!  Many of us have been guilty of this at some point or another, not realizing the potential danger in something so seemingly harmless until it becomes a destructive pattern, disconnecting us from our loved ones.  The dangerous effects of internet addiction on our families, jobs, education, love relationships, and the simple things that bring balance and purpose to our lives in the real world, can be downright destructive.  Our on-line interactions lack the important energy exchange between humans in the physical world.  Recent studies reveal that excessive internet use often leads to bouts of uncertainty, depression, and other psychological issues that affect ones quality of life over time. Are we slowly trading in our “real life” lives’ for a virtual existence, that’s fast growing more relevant or interesting than our own private lives?  Let’s explore!

Love, Dating, & the Internet
We say we want love, but when the perfect man or woman for us finally shows up in our lives, will we even notice them?  Will we disconnect from our twitter and Facebook accounts long enough to feed a healthy relationship the love and attention it really deserves?  Divorce is on the rise.  More people are choosing not to marry.  Our excessive internet usage is fast becoming a growing distraction, contributing to these numbers.  We are always plugged in and ready to go! 

What are the positive results in regards to the internet and relationships?  More people are experiencing relationships and greater efficiency in business because of their on-line connections.  Recent studies show that moderate internet usage and social networking can also contribute to a person’s feeling of well-being.  People in this study reported experiencing a greater sense of community and social acceptance.  It was also discovered that over-use had the reverse effects. 
There’s still a special charm and magic to meeting people in person the old fashioned way.  You can see, hear, smell, and touch ‘em!  Feel their spirit. When you meet someone in person, you truly experience the “real” energy of the person.  Nowadays people text and communicate electronically more than speaking on the phone or seeing each other.  It’s become so common for people to meet, and then end up texting for several days or weeks before they actually speak on the phone or even see each other.

Facebook, Social Networking, & Jealousy
Research studies of social networking on sites like Facebook, are showing that excessive social networking on-line often leads to jealousy, induced resentment, rage, disruption of stability in love relationships,… even murder!  Several incidents in the news over the past three years, involved men convicted of murdering their mates and ex-mates.  The men in these cases (ages 34-65) grew increasingly resentful of their partner’s excessive Facebook and internet usage.  Surprisingly, some of the men didn’t have any history of violence prior to these horrific events.  All the men expressed their growing anxiety and suspicions about their mates’ excessive internet usage.  Most of these woman were simply moving on from their relationships with these men, and in the process changed their Facebook statuses to: “Single” or “Engaged”, or posting that they are now “broken up and open to meeting someone new”, driving these men to uncontrollable rage.  One man, after reading his ex’s status, began texting her several times.  When she didn’t answer, he showed up at her home, kicked down the door, and stabbed the mother of two to death. Insecurities about a mate or ex-mates actions on-line can lead to insanity if left unchecked.*

In my interviews with 20 women and 20 men, ages 25-59, all 20 women and 14 men admitted to regularly investigating the Facebook pages of their mates.  Some even admitted to hacking into those accounts!  Everyone interviewed expressed they felt uncomfortable about at least two of their mate’s, Facebook friends.

Whether a gambling, drug, alcohol, shopping, or sex addiction…internet and electronic addictions are just as real and come with the same
Destructive Behaviors:
1. Preoccupation with focus of addiction
2. Neglecting obligations and priorities; family and friends complaining
3. Escape tool; from reality, problems, or responsibilities
4. Inability to control / decrease usage
5. Sacrifice time and sleep
6. Moody when interrupted
7. Withdrawal symptoms
8. Hiding usage; in denial about usage

It’s been discovered, internet addiction and dependence have a very similar psychological profile as pathological gambling.

Common Areas of Internet Addiction and Dependence:
- mobile phone usage / behavior
- social networking / virtual communications
- on-line shopping
- on-line gaming
- cyber sexual stimulation
- blogging culture

Only we can change our internet habits.  If we continue to allow the internet and our electronic gadgets to steal our attention away from the true richness of living and connecting in the “real world,” what will the fate of our relationships be for the future?  Physical connections are becoming more and more unnecessary with so many digital options at our fingertips daily?  How long will we neglect our families and mates due to our excessive electronic habits? 

As with many things, if we exhibit healthy boundaries and apply moderation to our electronic behavior, a healthy state of well-being can be maintained with the balance.  Our family, friends, work, and school performance would greatly benefit from our new found free time, as we began focusing more on some of the more important parts of our lives. It may be a good idea to simply take a break from being “on” 24 hours a day and seven days a week.
Really “enjoy” your loved ones this year.  <3

Journal Reference:
1. More Information than You Ever Wanted: Does Facebook Bring Out the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy? CyberPsychology & Behavior, (in press)
References
2. Young KS. Internet addiction: the emergence of a new clinical disorder. CyberPsychology & Behavior 1998 1:237–44.

 Copyright 2010 Margo Hudson.  All rights reserved.