Who Are You Loving… And Who’s Loving You?
“Don’t think for a minute that you don’t have a choice, because you do!”
By: Margo Hudson

Love relationships can be sticky and don’t I know it! It’s not any less complicated from the male nor female perspective and experience. Sometimes in our lives. We look up, and we’re in a relationship with someone who seems to be driving us crazy! How could they treat me like this? Why me? We complain to anyone who’ll listen, then we end up suffering the build up of more anger, frustration, pain, tears and sadness before we’re often forced up against a wall to do something about it. Let’s be realistic here, “We ALL choose our relationships!” Someone presents you with who they are, by way of a culmination of their behavior, words, and energy. It’s up to you whether you buy it or not, and for how long you buy it! Don’t think for a minute that you don’t have a choice, because you do. Freedom of choice is one of our greatest assets and blessings, which many people fail to utilize enough in their personal lives. The right choice will make a huge difference in your happiness. It all begins with you.

Here are a couple of real life examples of choice I’d like to share with you (The actual names of the parties have been altered to conceal their identities.)…

I recently spoke with “Lady S“. She’s an outgoing and beautiful 35 year old entrepreneur. She calls me sometimes complaining about her boyfriend of two years, for months now. Lady S says he hardly takes her out anymore and lately when they go out together, she ends up paying or they go dutch. He can’t even keep his eyes off other women every time they go out! She’s aware that when he goes out with his friends he’s always spending money and she’s recently discovered that he’s been lying about his finances and obligations. I’ve said to her, “He’s showing you who he really is…What are you going to do about it?” She often replies: “I don’t know girl, but he better get it together!” She puts the responsibility for change in his hands. She admitted that she really loves him and doesn’t want to start over with someone new. She reflects on how wonderful things were before, and she’s frustrated that he’s so different now. I decided not to say anything this time because I know that her conclusion is something that must come from inside her if she’s really going to get it. I thought to myself… maybe she doesn’t realize her power, or she really doesn’t want this madness to end and just calls me to blow off steam? Maybe she simply doesn’t have the courage to end it? Either way, I know that eventually when she’s absolutely had enough she’ll make another choice. Hopefully one that leads her to a healthier emotional life.

I also had a great conversation recently with “Mr. Lovable.” He’s a 39 year old business professional, who’s easy on the eyes and enjoys being in relationships. He recently told me that the woman he’s been with for the past four years isn’t the woman he wants to marry or have children with, and he’s known it from the time they moved in together a year and a half ago. He said that he’s tried telling her that it’s not going to work and he thought it’d be better if they separated. They agreed a year ago that she’d move out, but she’s still there! He says although she’s doing more around the house, he’s still not interested in staying with her but doesn’t want to hurt her. We both laughed when I told him that I knew he didn’t want the benefits to end! He confided in me that he now has another girlfriend with whom he’s falling deeper in love with by the day, and he knows she’s “the one.” He said that he believes that he isn’t completely wrong, because he’s tried telling the woman who’s resisting the break up that he no longer wants to be with her but she chooses to stay and try to “make him” be with her. He recently packed up and labeled most of her stuff while she was out of town. When she returned she went ballistic! She calmed once he threatened to call the police to have her removed and press charges if he had to. After all the tears and yelling, they finally came to a resolution. She began making arrangements to move out of his life. At this point she had no choice.

Don’t wait until you’re out of choices before you make the best one for yourself. If you find yourself in a relationship Constantly unhappy, confused, depressed… you may want to take a good look at yourself and your choice in a mate, and ask yourself: “Who am I loving… and Who’s loving me?” If the answer to those questions are not the same, then have the courage to choose better. The right answer will emerge from within you. Listen and act on it! We hold the keys to our own happiness in our lives and our love relationships are an extension of that. Selection is key, and who we “choose” to be in a relationship with is always a living breathing example of how we see and value ourselves!.