BCF • Good Girls Finish Right On Time… Embracing Your Singleness By Kimberly Usher

The Low-Down on High Expectations
By Dr. Ronn Elmore
http://www.FindingSoulmateSuccess.com

Everyone who has ever pursued a truly satisfying love relationship has taken a punch or two along the way. Rejection, one-way attraction, and bitter disappointments can make the road to a flourishing relationship a rocky one.

We all hate rejection—even the subtle forms of it that can crop up every day--a broken promise, punishing silence, a sarcastic remark, or a half-hearted peck on the cheek when you were dying for a passionate embrace. All these can feel like a slap in the face and a brutal assault on your self-esteem. And, of course, when that happens we vow to put our guard up next time. But sadly, since we don’t know when the next time might be, some of us keep our guard up all the time. Sad because, if you’re always expecting rotten treatment in relationships; you’re pretty likely to end up getting it!

EXPECT RESPECT
Your expectations can have a powerful effect on the kind of treatment you get from others. The more positive (and realistic) your expectations of another person, the more likely they are to meet them. Conversely, the more negative your expectations, the more “prophetic” they’ll prove to be. Conducting yourself as if you sincerely expect high quality treatment from another person gives them a powerful incentive to deliver it.

Most people are pretty much like you, capable of treating others with well-mannered sensitivity and dignity they desire and deserve. You create a fertile climate for sensitive, respect-filled treatment when you go in expecting it. It’s best when you express appreciation for their exemplary behavior, (as if you just knew they had it in them all along) rather than surprise (as if you never expected them to be worth a dime in the first place).

YOU GO FIRST
When you act as if you expect respect you persuasively express confidence in their good intentions and your expectations becomes attractive invitation for them to demonstrate that they possess even more character and commitment than you imagined.

Never start out with the blind assumption that a potential mate cannot be trusted, then treating them as if it’s a fact. That’s finding them guilty until proven innocent. Unfair!
Instead, start out with a clean slate and give them every opportunity to earn your trust by demonstrating their trustworthiness through consistently honorable, respectful behavior toward you. That’s finding them innocent until proven guilty.

THE BOTTOM LINE
You’ll find you get the most respect from others in direct proportion to the amount of respect you have for yourself. Demonstrate that you have a lot of self-respect and potential mates are more likely to rise to the standard you’ve set. If you have only a little, they’ll easily discern that it only takes a little to satisfy you. Show no respect for yourself--or for others--and you can count on them to match you. Self-respect calls upon you to conduct yourself like you’re God’s treasure—and that others are as well. And, no less important, making it clear that you expect any potential mate can, should, and will do the same.

Bio:
Ronn Elmore, Psy.d is a relationship therapist, ordained minister, and bestselling author of How to Love a Black Man, How to Love a Black Woman, No-Nonsense Dating, and other books. Know as the “How-to” Coach for smart single women, his popular blog about dating, relationships, and motivation can be found at http://www.FindingSoulmateSuccess.com




	The Low-Down on High Expectations By Dr. Ronn Elmore http://www.FindingSoulmateSuccess.com Everyone who has ever pursued a truly satisfying love relationship has taken a punch or two along the way. Rejection, one-way attraction, and bitter disappointments can make the road to a flourishing relationship a rocky one. We all hate rejection—even the subtle forms of it that can crop up every day--a broken promise, punishing silence, a sarcastic remark, or a half-hearted peck on the cheek when you were dying for a passionate embrace. All these can feel like a slap in the face and a brutal assault on your self-esteem. And, of course, when that happens we vow to put our guard up next time. But sadly, since we don’t know when the next time might be, some of us keep our guard up all the time. Sad because, if you’re always expecting rotten treatment in relationships; you’re pretty likely to end up getting it! EXPECT RESPECT Your expectations can have a powerful effect on the kind of treatment you get from others. The more positive (and realistic) your expectations of another person, the more likely they are to meet them. Conversely, the more negative your expectations, the more “prophetic” they’ll prove to be. Conducting yourself as if you sincerely expect high quality treatment from another person gives them a powerful incentive to deliver it. Most people are pretty much like you, capable of treating others with well-mannered sensitivity and dignity they desire and deserve. You create a fertile climate for sensitive, respect-filled treatment when you go in expecting it. It’s best when you express appreciation for their exemplary behavior, (as if you just knew they had it in them all along) rather than surprise (as if you never expected them to be worth a dime in the first place). YOU GO FIRST When you act as if you expect respect you persuasively express confidence in their good intentions and your expectations becomes attractive invitation for them to demonstrate that they possess even more character and commitment than you imagined. Never start out with the blind assumption that a potential mate cannot be trusted, then treating them as if it’s a fact. That’s finding them guilty until proven innocent. Unfair! Instead, start out with a clean slate and give them every opportunity to earn your trust by demonstrating their trustworthiness through consistently honorable, respectful behavior toward you. That’s finding them innocent until proven guilty. THE BOTTOM LINE You’ll find you get the most respect from others in direct proportion to the amount of respect you have for yourself. Demonstrate that you have a lot of self-respect and potential mates are more likely to rise to the standard you’ve set. If you have only a little, they’ll easily discern that it only takes a little to satisfy you. Show no respect for yourself--or for others--and you can count on them to match you. Self-respect calls upon you to conduct yourself like you’re God’s treasure—and that others are as well. And, no less important, making it clear that you expect any potential mate can, should, and will do the same. Bio: Ronn Elmore, Psy.d is a relationship therapist, ordained minister, and bestselling author of How to Love a Black Man, How to Love a Black Woman, No-Nonsense Dating, and other books. Know as the “How-to” Coach for smart single women, his popular blog about dating, relationships, and motivation can be found at http://www.FindingSoulmateSuccess.com
Privacy Policy \| Terms Of Use \| California Privacy Rights \| California Privacy Rights \| Contact Us \| Contact Webmaster
Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. Copyright © Myra Wallace, LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with prior written permission of Myra Wallace, LLC 2009. Website by MichaelBelcher.com